Strategic planning. Another one of Jeff’s many Sunday assignments. We are made to plan our life out and put it in writing. I am going to do mine on here for the soul purpose of being held accountable to my plans.

God has plans for us. So often we don’t won’t these plans or don’t want to admit that we know what they are. If it is going to happen, then yes it will be God’s will. If it doesn’t happen then so be it. It was not meant to be or it is not the right timing. Well, Jeff asked us to plan our life out for the next month, 6 months, 1 year, and even 3 years. I like a month will be really easy, but 3 years. Now as I think about it, all of it is hard. How do I know what is God’s will? I have struggled with this for some time.

For those of you who don’t know, here is a brief history of my life. I think I need to analyze this to figure out my future plans and determine if it is God’s will.

May 1997
Graduated from Eudora High School

1997-1998
Moved to Jonesboro to attend Arkansas State
I hated it and but didn’t want to go home. I had no social life and stayed in more dorm room all day. Finally, attended the Wesley Foundation on campus, and found my place in life. Or so I thought. God always throws in those curve balls, of course this could be because I didn’t listen to him talking.

March 1998
My grandfather died. I completely turned against God. I did not want anything to do with him. After all, he killed my grandfather. This month was also a turning point in my choosing of a career path. I was going to school to become a news anchor for a TV station. The same day my grandfather died, was the same day as the Jonesboro shooting. I hated the media from that point. I was watching the local news that night and they went up to a girl and asked “Well, how do you feel after seeing your best friend shot and killed?” I was thinking well how do you think she felt. I just couldn’t believe they went up to a 6th grader and asked them that within minutes after the shooting. It was crazy. I decided to go into social work. I didn’t want to be a teacher because my parents were both teachers. I just was not going to do that.

1998-1999
This year, I had my first love. I didn’t date in high school (being the only white). I thought this was the one. We met cruising down the strip in Jonesboro. I was excited this was the first guy that paid attention to me and cared for me for more than a friend. Being a tom boy it was hard to get guys to see you for a girl. That lasted about 6 or 7 months. I look back now and am glad that he was not the one. We are still friends but I would be living a lifestyle that I did not care for (drinking alcohol).

November 1999
This is where Michael comes in the picture. Or atleast this is what he says. He said he wanted me from day one. The problem is that I really don’t remember him. I am glad he kept coming back for rejection (I was dating at the time). By January we began dating. I wasn’t sure if I like him or not. I just wanted to keep him around because he loved me. Sad but true. I used him for my own satisfaction.

Summer 2000
I dumped Michael. See my first love came back into the picture. He was more adventurous and actually watch horror films or psychological thrillers (which I love and Michael just won’t watch them). The fact is we were too much alike.

August 2000
I finally called it quits with the first love and luckily Michael wanted to take me back. I don’t know why but he did. The guy was crazy. Again, I was not sure if I really like him or not. I was still using him for a crutch until someone new came along (which never happened). The fact is that I grew to love him and cherish everything he did. I was not seeing God’s will in my life. I was still trying to reach for things that was not meant to be.

2001
My Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Again struggling on being a borderline Christian, I began to resent God again. My life was getting back on track, and boom he puts a glitch in my life. I resented him. I moved back home to Eudora and began to attend UAM. I wanted to be with my Mom as much as possible.

February 2002
The day came and my Mom died. This was trully the hardest day of my life. I did not know what to do. I was mad. How can a 22 year old make it with out her Mom? I literally shut myself up in my dorm room and was the depressed little girl. I had nothing and didn’t want nothing. I am glad that I was still dating Michael, he was the only thing that kept me going. I was trying to plan a wedding for June. I really wanted my Mom to be there.

June 2002
Michael and I married. One of the happiest days of my life. It put a little sunshine into my dark gloomy world.

November 2003
Ashton was born. Again memories of Mom came back. All I ever wanted her to do was be there in the delivery room. This was suppose to be the happiest day of my life but yet I was mad at God because Mom was not there to help.

Spring 2005
I decided to move to ASU for Michael to get a degree he wanted and I could do my internship there. Michael completed one semester there but GPA was still to low to get financial aid. So we moved in with my Dad in Arkansas City with the intentions to move into Family housing at UAM as soon as possible.

Memorial Day 2005
Dad had been sick for a long time. The doctors kept saying indigestion. I finally convinced Dad that the doctor’s office was closed and we would go the emergency room but not at McGehee. So we traveled to Pine Bluff. They admitted Dad. I was by my Dad’s side this whole time. Well, the doctors discovered he had some kind of mass on his pancreas. I hated it because everyone said oh he has cancer…even my Dad was saying that. I am such the optimist and said it could be anything. The next day, they did exploratory surgery. It was too late. It was cancer and there was nothing they could do. It was too far spread. My first instincts were to be mad at the world. I finally was getting to know my Dad. My mom and Dad were divorced when I was little. I knew my Dad but just not that much. I was finally realizing who I was (which is exactly like him).

September 2005
Hospice began to take care of Dad. I am trying to finish up my internship but all I wanted to do was be with my Dad. Thank God for Michael. He took care of Dad and Ashton while I finished school

October 7, 2005
I watched my Dad take his last breath.
October 2005–we moved into family housing. We got reacquainted with Phillip and then met Rose and started going to their small groups. This is the only thing that kept me sane. In fact we were getting to know lots of friends.

March 2006
My world came to a crumbling halt. My marriage was about to end. The guy I feel in love with was abducted my aliens or something. I will never forget the phone call that we need to talk. My heart tore into a million little pieces. My husband as just commited adultry. (I hope he doesn’t get mad for me saying this. I really love him and would not want to hurt him). At first, I was mad. But like the Footprints poem, God picked me up and carried me through. There was only one set of footprints and it was his. I was not mad, I was actually calm and told him that we would work through this. I knew that he loved me, and was trully sorry. I could see it in his eyes. Michael can’t lie because I know it so it was the truth. After all, what guy with stick by yourself and take care of your dying father. It was a stressful time and he could have walked out at any time. He loves me! (I know it was God, my personality would not have done that…I probably would have killed him). Thanks to Jeff, Michael began to see a new life. He had changed. In fact, I have spoken to the girl and told her that I forgive her. In fact, we talk to this day. (God is trully amazing!!!) My family got back in church and have been there ever since. Journey church has been our saving ground. Our marriage may not have been saved with out God and the Journey Church.

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That was a brief history of me. Thanks for sitting and reading through it. Now here is my strategic plan. That is if God will allow.

3 months
Teaching Kindergarten at Drew Central. My faith will continue to grow in Jesus. Michael and I will begin to pray every night. We don’t do this at all. I would also like to read the Bible with him. I hope to find a book of Bible stories that I could read to Ashton. If anyone knows of any books please let me know. I really want Ashton to grow up and know Bible stories. I don’t know very many but Michael knows them all just about.

6 months
Christmas Time will be here. I want to not forget the reason for the season. Michael and I will be well into our plan of getting to know each other better (in the Lord). Ashton will realize that Christmas is not just about presents (I hope anyways).

1 year
I plan to still be teaching and Michael will have a job in computers somewhere. I will have my Christian faith down to a tee has much as possible. I won’t be scared to ask questions because I am embarrased because I don’t know much about the Bible.

3 years
Own a house (this is my main goal…but I am sure God will provide his timing). By this point, I want to begin witnessing to others. Maybe not just by talking but by my actions. Actions speak louder than words. I also plan to have Ashton a little brother or sister.

I guess my plans are more geared toward me and not others. I really want to help others and I am sure that will happen all along the way. My main plan is to get my life together for the sake of my family. I must first get my faith firm.

God is awesome! Letting him in on your life, really makes life easier and less stressful. It is amazing what a little Jesus in your life can do.

Today was quite interesting. I went and did something I
don’t normally do. I went to Pine Bluff and went shopping at the mall. I love it. It was Ashton, me, and Dr. Maxedon from UAM. Ashton calls her Nana. She acts just like his grandmother.

First stop of the day was Sears. I don’t like Sears for myself but love the baby stuff there. Of course, I only buy things that are on sale or clearance. Call me cheap, but I don’t want to spend that much money and Ashton doesn’t wear the clothes that long. There Ashton got a $27 outfit for $9. He will wear it to church tomorrow. Dr. Maxedon also bought Ashton some underwear (Cars and Bob the Builder). Next stop, Old Navy. I love Old Navy Clothes. There Ashton got a pair of blue jeans for $7 (priced $17) and sweatpants for $2 (prices $10). So I am doing good. Next stop, Baby Gap. I didn’t buy anything there. Dr. Maxedon bought Ashton shoes, 2 shirts, and a hat. Next stop and final stop for me was JC Penny’s. Now this is my store. I bought two outfits. I have to buy new clothes because my other ones are too big. Dr. macedon wanted to stop by the bookstore on our way out. I was like great Ashton is going to want something there. She ended up buying him 4 books.

As you can see this day was great fun. No Michael so I could concentrate shopping for only me and Ashton. I would recommend that to anyone, leave th husband and home. I never realized how much influence he had on my clothing choices. I actually got things I wanted without having dirty looks. It was great.

Enough about my shopping day. I will talk to you all later.

My little boy is back so life is back to normal. I now don’t feel so alone in the house. In fact, he has talked nonstop. Woo hoo! My chaotic life is back now.

Finally finished my workshops today. Drew Central is doing Reading First. This is what the workshops were about. It was actually kind of nice to observe a teacher actually teaching to the Reading First Protocols. Most workshops, you just sit and listen all day and do nothing. We actually watched and interacted to the lesson being taught. I thought it was very informative.

Drew Central is great. I feel like I have a place that I belong. It has been a long time since I have felt this way. The teachers are great and very laid back. They are a lot like me. Kind of scary though.

Michael was better today. I think he may be kind of scared. We actually made up last night and went and ate supper. We have this motto, that if we are mad we will still go to sleep in the same bed. You hear of people sleeping on the couch because they are in trouble with the other spouse. It is amazing that if you go to sleep in the same bed that you will wake up the next morning and forget why you were mad. It is a great philosophy or rule to live by.

Well, Ashton is here now so I must play his new game with him.

Yesterday, my husband and I got into a fight (argument not fists) over how he spends his time. Being a female, yes I want attention and dang it he better give it to me. Yet, I get hurt because he is on that computer 24-7. I wish the computer would accidently break or something. Anyways, that almost happen. His computer is dying. So instead of doing what I asked, he stayed on the phone with Apple for 1 hour and got nothing done, I was so mad. This is our typically day. Michael has ADD and can’t keep track of time and what he is suppose to do. Like Monday, I wrote a list for him to get done. Did he? No, he forgot about the stupid list. Same thing happen Tuesday, he didn’t get anything done. This was actually the day the computer began to die. Wednesday’s episode was the top of the cake. Couldn’t take it anymore. We were suppose to move out of our old apartment. Which he was to work on Monday (which was on the list)? Did he? No! So I finally left him there and let him finish everything by himself without my help.

Next, he told me that it was his day off and he shouldn’t have to work. Wow, wish I could do that on my days off. Then he tells me that I have summers off and should do the moving out and the cleaning and the cooking. Typical male. I told him I was sorry that this was my day off. It just escalated from there. Anyways enough ramblings about the argument.

Any of you laddies that have been married for a while, are there any answers to get the man to help out around the house? Am I fighting a loosing battle? This doesn’t really bother me, cause I am stubborn and will keep fighting this battle till the day I die.